Groupwork has been my passion for decades now, and I always marvel at how motivational it can be to prompt creative thinking when working with a dynamic group. My inspiration this week comes (yet again) from a group I have been coaching for the past month or so. As I was thinking about metaphors and how they are used in coaching to trigger idea generation, the song ‘Send in the Clowns’ came into my head and it got me thinking…. There’s a part of the song Send in the Clowns that hits deep where the laughter doesn’t feel funny, and the act is no longer entertaining. It’s a metaphor that fits far too well on the days we feel like imposters in our own lives.
We all experience those days when everything feels like it’s just too much. The deadlines are tight, the people are difficult, and the doubts are loud, and instead of showing up as our true, messy, amazing selves, we “send in the clowns.”
These clowns are not the joyful, circus ones (assuming that circus clowns are joyful); they are the version of ourselves that shows a painted-on smile to the world. The version of ourselves that pretends to be okay when we might be unravelling inside, makes things look easy, even when they’re not. The clowns say yes when we want to scream no. They keep the peace, stay on track, crack a joke, and keep the show going at all costs. And slowly, we lose touch with the script of our real selves; we forget we can step off stage temporarily to regain our composure.
Who Are Your Clowns?
Have you thought about what your clowns might look like or what they do? They might be the overly agreeable version of you in work meetings, or the “everything’s fine” version of you around your family. They might be you who posts inspirational quotes on LinkedIn, while privately you are drowning in self-doubt. These clowns aren’t necessarily all bad. They are usually manifested as protection borne out of moments when being your full, authentic self doesn’t feel safe or welcome. But the clowns can’t nourish you or help you to be your whole, authentic self; they weren’t made for that.
The Real You Deserves the Spotlight
Your authentic self may sometimes be reserved, uncertain or uneasy, but you know what you care about and how you want to ‘be seen’. Connect with what makes you come alive, and aligns with your values and motivations, even when life throws curveballs. The authentic you has flaws, that’s a given, but acknowledging yourself ‘warts and all’ brings wisdom, inspires intuition and spurs growth. When we show up as our real selves, with all our imperfections, we create space for honest, empathetic connections. We stop performing and start showing up, and in turn, we make better decisions.
When Do You Send in Your Clowns?
Take a moment and reflect:
- Is it when you feel overwhelmed and just want to avoid confrontation?
- Is it when you’re doubting your worth and need to impress?
- Is it when the pressure to “have it all together” drowns out your need to rest?
Noticing these moments is the first step because self-awareness gives us choices.
The Cost of Sending in the Clowns
The cost of “sending in the clowns” is losing connection with your true self. Every time we perform or hide behind a polished version of ourselves, we trade honesty for acceptance and short-term approval for long-term disconnection. This habit of self-protection can feel necessary, but it ultimately undermines personal growth, relationships, and meaningful contributions. Instead of helping, it promotes the idea that we must perform to belong. Breaking this pattern means choosing to show up imperfect but real, and that’s what truly makes a difference in our lives and in the environments we influence.
Tips to Help You Shed the Clown Costume
- Pause before performing; ask yourself, “What am I about to say or do in this situation and is this true for me?”
- Name what you’re feeling; often just admitting that “I’m struggling today,” or “I am unsure about this decision” can be enough to shift the energy, wake you up and help you take notice of old habits and automatic reactions to familiar situations.
- Lean into your values; if you value honesty, courage, and kindness, let your values guide your next move, not the fear of not being ‘good enough’.
- Find your safe people (your tribe); the ones who don’t expect you to act, they welcome your messy, overwhelmed, real self.
- You don’t need to earn your place by entertaining; in the words of bestselling author Brene Brown, you belong simply by being here.
We don’t need to perform our way through Life; that is just a habit, and habits can be broken. There will be days when the spotlight feels harsh and the temptation to send in the clowns is strong. These are the days & moments when we wake up, show up and speak up from the core of who we are. The world doesn’t need more masks or clowns whose mantra is fake it ‘til you make it; it needs more truth and honesty. The world needs us to show up authentically and act as a role model for others in our teams and organisations, knowing that you are enough, exactly as you are. The next time you feel the urge to perform, pause, take a breath and let the real you take centre stage – you won’t need to send in the clowns.
Janet Tumulty
26.5.2025
Contact me at: janet@newlinkstraining.com
